Ok, a more personal blog for a moment. You may have noticed that I write about shamanism a great deal. Shamanism is a topic that is close to my heart, for several reasons. First, I have a great interest in the topic. In all my studies, nothing has quite grabbed my attention like the idea of the shaman. In many ways, I feel a connection to shamanism that I really don’t get from a lot of other concepts. In addition, it is one of those things that “works” for me. I have walked more than a few paths in my days, and most of them didn’t quite “fit” or work. I don’t have much of a knack for energy work, or more “new agey” things. But connecting with spirits, working on relationships with them, that is something I can do.
Something Kelley Harrell commented on one of my previous posts really resounded with me, and I have thought about it for some time;
“It’s a challenging thing to struggle with, and I’m glad you are finding your way through, YOUR way. In the end, what we call ourselves is moot. It’s what the spirits call us that tells the tale. And no matter what, you’ll always have someone willing to throw rocks. Shaman, Notshaman. It doesn’t stop at any point on your path.”
There is a lot of truth in what she says. Though maybe it took a while to think it. It really has not stopped. I do not see it stopping in the future, and the constant back in forth in my mind is driving me bonkers. It is a question I may never answer, and I am tired of beating the dead horse.
In truth, I am tired of fighting with it. Perhaps I have been in denial for a long time. Perhaps I am self delusional. Either way, I want to move past that denial. I am going to accept things as there are. The gods, ancestors and spirits have come to me for a reason. I cannot say what that reason is, but they have called.
I am going to accept that I am on the shaman’s path. Even though I cringe at the idea of calling myself one. Really, there is little on the side of logical reasons I should avoid it. At the same time, it scares the hell out of me. Still, many of the foundations are there, and more than a few readings have indicated that is the path I am on.
When I contemplate my own path, I reflect upon the steps that I have taken. In some way, I feel I have been led, and at some points I have made the choices that led me here. It is mind numbing to think about how different my life might have turned out had I not taken certain steps. I would have not have learned some things, would not have met some people. Had I gone another way, I may not be writing this blog today. All the triumphs, all the failures brought me here.
And that is the real point, right? That I walk the path that has been lain before me. That the spirits have offered to walk with me, and I have chosen to walk with them. Certainly, this is not the end of the journey, more of a beginning. The learning doesn’t stop, the work doesn’t stop and there is always more to explore and contemplate.
I am taking the next step, wherever that might lead.