I really hesitated about posting this blog. It is a little more personal than my normal posts. Still, it feels right, so here we go. Thoughts and advice would be appreciated.
So I’ve been writing about initiations lately, mostly because I have been thinking a lot about initiations. The reason I have been thinking a lot about initiations is that I might just be going through one.
I cannot understate much when I say this has been a year of changes. I started working with my wolf as well as with Skadi. Those two have brought plenty of changes with them. With these changes have come lessons. Some were fine, others were tough ones to learn. Or to unlearn.
That is just the beginning. I got a new job, one I enjoy. My wife and became homeowners. I lost my mother to cancer. Another family member is sick in the hospital with a similar type of cancer. My sister was in a pretty serious car accident. Thankfully she is alright. The car, much less so.
It has been a mental, physical, and emotional rollercoaster for me.
So many threads coming together. All around me, ensnaring me. I feel like a knot in the web.
I was talking with a mentor lately, and he really liked that metaphor. He said to me that, while I might want to separate these things, they might all be connected. They might be part of… whatever is going on right now.
I pulled some cards to try and make sense of what is going on. The one that really stuck we me was a card that covers lies and deception. The question is, of what kind? I am the one being deceived? Is it denial or wishful thinking? It could go either way.
This was followed by cards of reconciliation and me, as the journeyer. I asked for clarification, and pulled the card for empowerment. I felt the message was pretty clear, so I went to put the cards away.
One more falls out as I do, face down. With a great anxiety, I turned it over.
It was the card for initiations.
Sometimes, they get straight to the point.
Really, I am still working on confirming and validating things. At the suggestion of my mentor, I asked my gods, ancestors and spirits for physical confirmation. An omen of some sort, one that was outside of myself. That way, I would know it was the will of the spirits, and not just the ghosts in my head.
I was out walking around our property, making introductions and such, when I came across a pile of plaster and debris. I figured I’d be a good neighbor to the spirits, and pick up some trash. There was a broken sea shell under the plaster. A hawk flew over at about the same time… A Cooper’s hawk I think. I didn’t see a red tail. I took the shell in the house to show my wife. She looks at it, and without hesitation, says; “That’s your confirmation.” She gets insights like that sometimes.
She said to me later she thinks this has been a long time coming.
Honestly, I thought I’d be happier about it. Rather, I feel scared, anxious. I have had plenty of challenges this year. At the same time, the idea of an initiation scares the royal shit out of me. My life is just getting back to some semblance of normal. Now this…
I am working on validations, or rebukes, as the case may be. I have to get a couple of blind readings, to get more of an idea either way. By the way, those that have read this are disqualified from said readings. You know too much…
Don’t take it too hard though, most of you were disqualified by the requests of the spirits… It seems I may have to go out of my comfort zone for a true “blind” reading. Runes have been specifically mentioned as a no-no, from multiple sources. Sorry Sarenth…
It is what it is.
Anyways, I’ll likely be writing more about it as things go on…